i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Randomize
