Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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