if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
