I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Come share oat with me in your robe
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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