It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
