ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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