Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Randomize
