KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
