you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
