You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Blow job season was short but glorious.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
