pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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