Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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