I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
