I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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