I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
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He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
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From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
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