I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
her vagine was all disorganized.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
