your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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