he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
