he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
This is my life. Enjoy the view
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
