Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
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He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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