I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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