I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
