go do what you do best...puke behind churches
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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