At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize