he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
