I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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