I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
