I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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