Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
