the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Oh god it's open bar.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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