So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
