you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
nutella sex= disaster
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
