I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
