i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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