My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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