I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
