Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
