Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm both gender and math confused
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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