I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize