I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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