So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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