They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
you didnt know i had herpes?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
