apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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