I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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