God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
