your parents love me but you hate me
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
