So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
