I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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