that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
