I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
