I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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