Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
