exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
