I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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