my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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