Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
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According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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