i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Randomize
