went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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