i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
