woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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