I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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