I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
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