It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
