So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
