so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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