What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
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