fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I want a musical about memes.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
