OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I have demons in me.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Randomize
