My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
