It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
