dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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