Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I wish they made helmets for livers.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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