well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
