I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
