also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
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I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
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Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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