Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
