look no pants
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
