What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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