I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
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he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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